Surviving the Sudden Death of a Loved One...

My Personal Experience and What it Taught Me About Life:

Charlie Bradley

The sudden death of a loved one is the most devastating event that many of us will face in our lifetime. From the moment we first hear of the death, we are suddenly simultaneously and intensely hit with a variety of emotions. We may feel denial because we don't want to admit that our loved one is no longer with us, we may feel anger because they died too soon, we may feel regret because we feel that we could have somehow prevented the circumstances which may cause the death. Whichever emotion we feel, chances are that within the weeks and months following the death we will feel the same emotions randomly and repeatedly. This article is a survivor's guide to getting through the sudden and unexpected death of a loved one.

One of the simplest things we can do following the sudden death of a loved one is to remember and honour the loved one. There is no doubt that many people will have many special memories of the departed that they will readily share with the person's family. As a tribute to the departed, you may want to consider videotaping some of these conversations and compiling a video tribute that you can look at whenever you find yourself thinking of the departed.

During the death of a loved one, we often forget that we still have to take care of ourselves. Take some time for yourself to get away from all of the people who may be coming by your house to express their condolences or sympathy. A few days following the death of my brother, I got to a point where I couldn't handle being around all the people talking about his accident, talking about his death, how he looked, etc. So I went home and cleaned my house. It wasn't that I didn't want to honour my brother or anything like that, but simply the fact that I had to sort of come away for air.

Another thing that you have to remember is not to "shut down" emotionally. When you need to talk to someone, pick up the phone and call them, or drive to their house and talk to them and tell them what you're

 feeling. Not talking about it is the quickest way of alienating your friends and family during a time when you need them more than ever. During my Brother's death, I found myself thinking that somehow he had died to get away from me, that I wasn't worthy of having him in my life. I wouldn't talk to anyone about what I was feeling, but I started treating everyone as badly as I was feeling inside and pushed a lot of people away.

The last, but perhaps the most important thing we can remember as we're facing the sudden death of a loved one is to remember, that even though they may not physically be present in our lives any-more, they're still with us: They're with us in our minds, Things we see during our lives will remind us of the departed, and if the departed has children, as my brother did, no doubt the children's mannerisms and expressions will remind you of the departed.

It's been said that the first year following the sudden death of a loved one is the most difficult for all the survivors. Your memories of the loved one will never leave you, and as we learn to take each day one day at a time, we will find that our lives will begin to regain some sense of normalcy.